


Claude von Riegan's Secret Kink Will SHOCK You...Click Here To Find Out More

by slotumn



Series: Continent of Fúckdlan [5]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crack, F/M, Ficlet, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Kink Meme, Kink Shaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:07:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24764374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slotumn/pseuds/slotumn
Summary: Claude has kinks. Lysithea's kink is kinkshaming.
Relationships: Lysithea von Ordelia/Claude von Riegan
Series: Continent of Fúckdlan [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632499
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20
Collections: FE3H Kink Meme





	Claude von Riegan's Secret Kink Will SHOCK You...Click Here To Find Out More

**Author's Note:**

> This is it. This is the peak of my writing abilities. I can't ever hope to surpass this. Shoutout to the [kink meme](https://3houseskinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/1608.html?style=site&thread=1700680) prompter.

Lysithea clenched her fists and looked at the shameful sight in front of her.

"Claude, you goddess damned...degenerate, pervert, dysfunctional chronic cumbrain," she exhaled, already feeling the heat pooling in her lower stomach.

Claude raised his hands and cough-laughed, obviously ready to activate his maximum evasiveness technique that was reserved for difficult situations like people asking about his heritage, or Professor asking where the pile of exams she was supposed to grade went. 

"L-look, Lys, I can explain, these are just--"

Lysithea wasn't about to tolerate any of that, however.

"Oh, really? You can explain? Are you going to explain how you get off to," she shoved the splayed-out book at his face, "this every night, replacing the characters in those shameful, disgusting scenarios with us? Do you masturbate to that, Claude?"

"Well, what else are you supposed to do with--"

Lysithea replaced the book with her face and glowered at him.

"Are you really such a sick, fucked-up freak that you actually find these things to be acceptable in any way, shape, or form? You truly think you can be considered a moral, upstanding member of society after having orgasms to this?"

Claude grew increasingly confused at his girlfriend's sudden overt aggression, as well as the strange flush on her face. 

"Uh, am I missing something? What's so sick and freaky about-- mmph?!"

Lysithea cut him off with a crushing kiss before parting with a heavy pant.

"Answer my question, Claude."

"Yes, I furiously jack my penis off to scenarios where I am showered with love and affection during sex by my adorable girlfriend who accepts and trusts me for who I am and will never kill or betray me despite my constant teasings."

Fabric rustled as outer garments dropped to the floor. Lysithea huffed and pushed Claude onto the bed before giving him another long kiss.

"Absolutely disgusting," she murmured. "I bet you'd like it if I actually tried those debased things on you right now, hm? Love and affection?"

"...Sure."

And so they had a lot of loving, affectionate, wholesome sex.

\---

"So," Claude began, laying happily in the sheets, "now that you know my deepest and darkest sexual fantasies, you gotta tell me what you get off to, Lys. Aside from kinkshaming, I mean. It's only fair, right?"

Lysithea checked the "Claude/Lysithea happy enthusiastic married sex for the purposes of procreation" prompt she posted on the Fire Emblem Three Houses Kink Meme. 

Nobody filled it yet. Darn. But she didn't let the disappointment show on her face as she replied,

"Wyvernfucking."

"Oh."

**Author's Note:**

> [LysiClaude week twitter](https://twitter.com/LysiClaudeWeek?s=20)   
>    
>  [My twitter](https://twitter.com/slotumn?s=09)   
> 


End file.
